some new some old

recently I am struggling with many thoughts about the future in the world of photography. I am considering a lot of options, life is serving us so many possibilities... I am kind of lost in those questions... like stay amateur or become professional? buy a lot better gear and the studio equipment or stay with what I have? commit my time, my precious, very limited free time to photography for others or let it be only for friends and family? expand my possibilities and experience or stay where I am? lost myself in passion or live as I used to?

I love the feeling when I take photo of the person, laugh with her/him/them, drink coffee, eat delicious cake, spend time to know them, to experience their inner beauty. and then hand over the results. the smile I see... it's the best feeling in the world. it's like giving them pure happiness. are you with me? can you imagine that feeling? how can I give it up? can I?

I am in the place where I need to chose. go further means go professional. only I have profession in totally different area. and I do like where I work and what I do there. I also have a child, small one, who needs me and my time. but I also want to do it. I am not happy with staying in one place for long, the same with not experiencing new opportunities. but am I strong enough? brave enough? smart enough?

so many questions but the answer is just right here, and I want to reach it, take it, be better, grow, smile with pride, give the happiness, see the joy over my work. so yes, I am, I do, I want.

so stay close, new era is coming :)